For immediate Release
Press Release Re: Job Security
Important Notice for Highway Department Road Workers
Breaking news that 50,000 road workers to loose their jobs by the end of May 1998. News from the White House indicates that the Japanese have improved our technology once again to develop new equipment that will replace these present crew members. It seems they’ve come up with a shovel that will stand up by itself.
Contributed by: Richard
Three pastors and their wives were car-pooling their way back from a revival when suddenly their van slid off the side of a cliff. Sadly, they were all killed. At the Pearly Gates, Peter called the first couple forward.
Looking through his book, Peter looked up at the first preacher sharply, “You hypocrit!” he boomed, “All you ever cared about in your life was money! ‘Money is evil’ ‘Money won’t buy you happiness!’ ‘Money THIS…’ ‘Money THAT…’. Yet you’ve hoarded money all your life! You were the wealthiest person in your whole community. In fact, you were so consumed with money that you married a woman named ‘Penny,’ isn’t that so?” he demanded. Obviously shaken, the preacher meekly responded, “Y-yes, Sir, That’s true…”
“Well, you DID preach the gospel, so I won’t send you off to you-know-where, but you DON’T get to come in the FRONT gate. You have to walk all the way AROUND heaven and enter in the BACK door. Off you go!”
And the couple went shamefully on their way.
St. Peter leered at the next pastor, “And YOU!” Peter hissed. “All YOU ever talked and cared about was ALCOHOL! ‘The bottle THIS…’ and ‘The bottle THAT…’ Yet, you’ve been drunk nearly EVERY time you preached. In fact, you were so consumed with alcohol and drinking that you married a woman named ‘Brandy’, ISN’T THAT SO!!?” he accused. The pastor only nodded in shame.
“Well, you, too preached a powerful sermon — despite being drunk — so no hell for you either. But YOU don’t get to come in the FRONT gate, either. You have to walk all the way AROUND heaven and enter in the BACK door. Off with you!” And the couple slowly shuffled off.
“And YOU!!…” St. Peter began.
The third Pastor held up his hand to silence St. Peter and turned to his wife and said, “We’d better start walkin’, Fanny.”
Contributed by: Danno
