Joy Is Everywhere

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself.

Shirley says,” Sophie, you know I’m shy.  Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.”

Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, “Excuse me, mister.  I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.”

“Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.”

“You’re kidding!  What for?”

“For killing my third wife.  I strangled her.”

“What happened to your second wife?”

“I shot her.”

“And, if I may ask, your first wife?”

“We had a fight and she fell off a building.”

“Oh my,” says Sophie.  Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, “Yoo hoo, Shirley.  He’s single.”

Contributed by: Brownback

Bob is opening his bar one day and is amazed to see a gorilla sitting in the oak tree in front of his establishment.He carefully walks into his bar and wastes no time looking up “Gorilla Removal” in the yellow pages. He calls the service, and in nothing flat a truck pulls up with the words “JOE’s GORILLA REMOVAL”
written on the side.

A man gets out of the truck carrying a loaded pistol and he has a fierce looking German shepherd on a leash.

“Now here’s the plan,” Joe tells Bob. “You hold the gun and I’ll climb up the tree and shake the big ape out. When the gorilla falls to the ground, the German shepherd will attack him and go for his
private parts. After that, I just throw him in the back of my truck. Any questions?”

“Just one,” says Bob. “What’s the gun for?”

“If I fall out of the tree, shoot the dog!”

Contributed by: Sylvia and the archives