Joy Is Everywhere

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go
along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off     of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel. She said, “That was incredible!”

He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps.

After about thirty laps she climbed back out and laid down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, “That was incredible! Were you  an Olympic endurance swimmer?”

“No,” she said, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal…

1. Ms. Nice Gal – “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldn’t have.”
Also Known As: What a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly  Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

2. Old Yeller – “You spineless good-for-nothing no-talent SOB! Can’t
you see you’re making me miserable?” Also Known As: She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady
Advantages: Pays attention to you.
Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans

3. Sickly – “Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps.”
Also Known As: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

4. The Boss – “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a
haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”
Also Known As: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain
Advantages: Often right Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied – “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my
career, goals, home, or hair color?” Also Known As: The Fretter,
Worrywart, Typical, Aw C’mon Honey Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6. Wild Woman – “I’ve got an idea. Let’s get drunk and make love on
the front lawn. I done it before. It’s fun!” Also Known As: Fast Girl,
Freewheeler, Unconscious Advantages: More fun than a barrel of
monkeys. Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

7. Huffy – “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep
snickering at” Also Known As: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg,
Snarly Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.
Disadvantages: You will have no friends.

8. Woman from Mars – “I believe this interpretive dance will explain
how I feel about our relationship” Also Known As: The Babbler, Spooky
Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic Advantages: Entertaining,
Unfathomable Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.

9. Ms. Dreamgirl – “I am utterly content with you just the way you
are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you
like a crazed weasel.” Also Known As: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout,
Perfection, The One Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

Contributed by: Aimee