Joy Is Everywhere

A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying.

So the husband inquires,  “What’s wrong, Honey?”

“Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast, but I can’t cook or clean.”

The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, “There, there sweetie! I don’t care that you can’t cook and clean.  Come on up to the bedroom and I’ll show you what I’d like for breakfast.”

So off they went to the bedroom.

That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen.  “What’s wrong now, Sweetie?”

“Well, the same thing as this morning.  I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can’t cook.”

Again the husband smiles and says, “Why don’t you come back up to the bedroom and I’ll have my lunch there!”

So off they went to the bedroom again.

That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride naked sliding down the banister of the stairs.  Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister.

After the third trip the husband asks, “What are you doing, Honey?”

“Warming up your supper!” she replies.

Contributed by: Aimee

Why did the string bass player get mad at the timpanist?
He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell him which one.

One string bass player was so bad, even his section noticed.

How many string bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.

How do you put a twinkle in a soprano’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

How does a soprano change a lightbulb?
She just holds on and the world revolves around her.

How can you tell when a soprano is at you door?
She can’t find the key, and doesn’t know when to come in.

How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they can’t get up that high.

If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end… it
would be a good idea.

Where’s a tenor’s resonance?
Where his brain should be.

What’s the definition of a male quartet?
Three man and a tenor.

If you drop a conductor and a watermelon off a tall building, which
will hit the ground first? Who cares?

What’s the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer?
The sack.

What’s the definition of an optimist?
A choral director with a mortgage.

Why are conductor’s hearts so coveted for transplants?
They’ve had so little use.

A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor.  “I’m sorry, he’s dead,” comes the reply.  The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply form the receptionist.  At last she asks him why he keeps calling.  “I just like to hear you say it.”

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the sound.

How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb?
“One, two, three; one, two, three.”

What’s the definition of a gentleman?
One who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn’t.

What’s the definition of an optimist?
An accordion player with a pager.

How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would’ve done it.

What’s the difference between a soprano and the PLO?
You can negotiate with the PLO.

Contributed by: Heather