Fred was shocked.  “Are you crazy?  This is a small town and everyone knows us.  Besides, even if they didn’t, they would see our clothes and know we were priests.”

Joe was ready for this.  “Don’t be silly.  We won’t stay in town, we’ll go into the city where nobody knows us, and we’ll dress just like anyone else.”

In the end, he managed to persuade Fred, and they went out that night and partied like professionals.  When they got back home at 5:00 AM, Fred’s face became pale.  “I just thought of something,” he said. “We have to confess this.”

Again, Joe was ready.  “Relax, I told you, I thought this all out in advance.  Tomorrow, you go into church and into the confessional.  I will come in my regular clothes and confess, and you absolve me. Then I go put on my garments, you  come in and confess, and I’ll absolve you.”

Fred was amazed at Joe’s brilliance.  And so, Joseph went in later that morning and said, “Father forgive me, for I have sinned. My friend and I, we’re both young men, and last night we went out and caroused.  We became drunk, had carnal knowledge of prostitutes, used foul language, danced to wicked music.”

Fred answered, “God is patient and forgiving, and thus shall I be. Do 5 “Our Father’s” and 5 “Hail Mary’s” and you will be absolved of your sin.

A while later, their places were reversed as Fred came in and confessed everything in detail.  There was a short pause, and Joseph answered, “I don’t believe this.  And you DARE to call yourself a priest?  You will do 500 “Our Father’s,” 500 “Hail Mary’s,” donate all your money for the next month to the church, and go around the
church 500 times on your knees praying for God’s forgiveness.  Then come back and we’ll discuss absolution, but I make no guarantees.”

“WHAT??!!”  Father Fred was shocked.  “What about our agreement??”

Joe replied, “Hey, what I do on my time off is one thing, but I take my job seriously.”

Contributed by: Debi 

St. Peter appears to speak with them and asks them what good they have done in their lives.

Doctor:  I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of people.

St. Peter:  That’s great.  Go ahead in to heaven.  And what about you?

Nurse:  I have supported the Doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult, etc…

St. Peter:  Wonderful.  Please proceed in with the Doctor.  And what about you?

HMO Executive:  I was the president of a very large Health Maintenance Organization and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.

St. Peter:  Oh, I see.  Please go on in . . . but you can only stay 2 nights!

Contributed by: TMB

Breaking news that 50,000 road workers to loose their jobs by the end of May 1998.  News from the White House indicates that the Japanese have improved our technology once again to develop new equipment that will replace these present crew members.  It seems they’ve come up with a shovel that will stand up by itself.

Contributed by: Richard

When he got closer to the lad, he noticed that Johnny had a rope tied around the dog’s testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly. 

Smiling, he spoke to the little boy, “That’s really a nice fire engine you have there son, but I’ll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that rope around his neck.”

“Yeah,” Johnny replied, “but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

Contributed by: Will