Joy Is Everywhere

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.  One of the men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”

The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.  He returned in a minute and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”

“Alright.  How long do you need them?”

The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.” After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

Contributed by: Abdul

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go
along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off     of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel. She said, “That was incredible!”

He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps.

After about thirty laps she climbed back out and laid down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, “That was incredible! Were you  an Olympic endurance swimmer?”

“No,” she said, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal…