Joy Is Everywhere

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen.

The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, “Leave me alone!” They both jumped back, silenced. “Whaa??” the teacher blubbered.

Then I typed, “I said leave me alone!” The kid got really upset. “I didn’t do anything to it, I swear!” It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000
went on for an amazing five minutes.

Me: “Don’t touch me!”

Her: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit your keys that hard.”

Me: “Who do you think you are anyway?!” Etc.

Finally, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

Contributed by: David

A man and his wife are doing yard work. Husband says to wife, “Your butt is as wide as the grill.”

She ignores the remark.

A little later, the husband thinks he will press the comment with her, found comparing her rump to his apparent standard with his tape measure while she leans over into a flower bed.  “Geez, it
is as wide as the grill,” he tells her in an cruel and insensitive manner. 

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky and tries to get close. 

“If you think I’m gonna fire up my grill for one little wiener, you’re mistaken,” she calmly responds, turning over to get some
sleep. 

Contributed by: Nick